Obsession

I am obsessed with going back to work.

It is ruining the rest of the time that I still have off.

I cannot stop obsessing.


I am devastated with the fact that I am sending Mia to daycare. Even though millions of millions of women have done it before me….and even though millions of millions of children have not only survived, but thrived, at daycare.

It is not that I fear that something will happen to Mia while she is at daycare. It is not that I think the women who will be caring for her will not do an excellent job. (Of course not as good of a job as I would do, but a good job none the less.)

My fear lies in the fact that someone else will be getting Mia’s attention. I am the center of her universe and I love that role. I don’t want to share Mia! But in 2 weeks I will be allowing (and paying!) someone else to be the center of her world from 9-5, Monday – Friday.

I fear how much I am going to miss her. I still get up nightly to go and check on her. Not only to see if she is ok but also to just be in her presence. Just to be near her. Just to watch how peaceful she sleeps and how beautiful she looks.

And I fear someone else getting to see her firsts.

What if she starts walking at daycare?
She still has not rolled over. Is that going to happen while she is there? And what about crawling? Will she take her first little scoots in the presence of someone else? And teeth and words and laughs and that surprised look she gets when she discovers something new.

I might not be there.

And it is breaking my heart.

Peas

Sweet Peas

I call her Sweet Peas or Peas for short.

Rich snapped this picture because Mia looked so content sleeping with her favorite toy (Cheddar the horse - named by Rich, not Mia), the bobby and my pj top. She was in our bed (see that small space, that is where I was) with Mommy and Daddy.

All of her favorite things in one small, happy, warm space.

Oh Poop

While changing Mia’s diaper this morning I found myself thinking about how many times she had pee’d or pooped on me when she was a newborn. Not that is was just me she was expelling on. She got my husband numerous times and even a couple of nurses at the hospital.

We went thru a lot of diapers back then.

This morning, while we were going through our routine, I was so proud thinking that I knew her cues and could tell if she was going to try and catch me off guard. Besides her occasional peeing in the bath (which is totally understandable, water just does that to you) we had been doing pretty well.

But then we left the house.

How come the worse accidents always happen when you are away from home?

Rich and I were out running errands and had just pulled into the parking lot at Home Depot. I was pulling Mia out of her carseat and gave a sniff. She smelled a little poopy but nothing all too bad. I just figured I would change her while Rich took way too long looking for whatever it was that he needed. As I lifted her out of her carseat all hell broke lose.

Poop everywhere!

I don’t know if there was a lift / poop combination that made it all so bad but something definitely happened at just the perfect time. As I hugged her close to make the move from car to stroller my hand landed on her gushy little bum that had minutes before been covered in cute little sweatpants that said “pretty” on the bum. (She is only 5 months old, she can get away with this!) I have no idea what came out of my mouth but Rich looked at me and started laughing. I had poop on my hand and Mia had poop coming out of her left pant leg. Still laughing, Rich asked me if I just wanted to go home since he could tell I had a mess on my hands (literally). I told him there was no way I was going to put her back in her carseat like that and that I would just clean her up in the store. By now Rich was totally cracking up and he say “well, maybe you should look down before you decide”. I looked down to see split pea soup looking poop all the way down the front of my shirt. My sweat shirt and pants had also been victimized. It was way too funny. Little Mia was just cracking up since by now I was laughing along with Rich. When you are covered in poop this is just nothing you can do but laugh!

The funniest thing about all this was……

1. It was not the first time that Mia has ruined an outfit while were out. I have learned that it is easier to carry an extra ‘sleep and play’ (one of those one piece outfits with feet) then to carry a spare shirt, pants and socks. She always seems to get the socks. I felt like an awful Mom last time this happened and I ended up wheeling Mia though the mall pant-less and with no socks on her little feet. Yeah, I had first time Mom written all over me that day!
2. I had layered my t-shirts that morning. I never do that. So fortunately for me I was able to peel off the stinky top layer to a fresh tee underneath.

And

3. I was silly enough to think it had been a while since I had been pooped on.

Teeth

I think Mia has started teething.
Either that or she has some weird urge to chomp on everything that comes near her mouth (mostly my fingers) and can no longer hold in saliva.

I don't know how I will know if she is truly teething.
I asked my Mom, I asked the one friend that I have that also has kids.
They both said - "You will know".

I asked my pediatrician.
She said that drooling was the first sign of teething but that it could take months for a tooth to finally appear.

I researched on line.
I found out that she could have been born with teeth (early bloomer) or it could take a year (late bloomer) for teeth to come in.

So, I guess that once Mia starts wailing or the drooling/chewing gets significantly worse - I will know. Either that or I will be super lucky and one day my beautiful baby girl will open her mouth and there a tooth will be. Dreaming....I know!