Genetics

It is raining here …. Again.

I am not going to let it get me down because I am just so happy that it is Friday.

My week went by fast. Except for my near breakdown over not fitting into any of my clothes on Monday, everything was great. I went through my closet again and was able to put together ok outfits for the rest of the week. I think I was so upset on Monday because everything I am wearing makes me feel ugly. I know a lot of pregnant women say the feel/look beautiful when they are pregnant. I am just not there. I still don’t look pregnant, not that I am complaining, but I wonder if people are whispering about how much weight I have gained. One day my tummy will pop out and there will be just no more hiding them. Then I will walk around going…see, I wasn’t just getting fat - followed by an evil internal laugh.

Not that I should care.
But I do.

I think I am just so freaked out that I will gain weight and that will be the end of the story. I will become one of those women who never lost her baby weight. I will become my Mom. My Mom has struggled with her weight most of her life. While I was growing up I think she gave into the struggle and succumbed to the fact that she will always be over weight. She has dieted on and off for years. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not. For my wedding she lost a lot of weight and looked great. Unfortunately she was not able to keep it off. Seeing her struggles frightens me. My sister is the same way. She is in a continuous battle with her waistline. So you see, it is in the genes.

I have been semi-lucky to take after my Dad while my sister is almost a mirror image of my Mom. I could eat anything I wanted until I was in my twenties. My metabolism slowed down then and I quickly found that I had to watch what I ate and if I exercise I can actually slim down my well endowed ass (have no idea were I got that, both my Mom, Dad and sister have no ass to speak of). For the past couple of years I have been an avid participant of the Zone and most recently South Beach. I think that helps to explain my early cravings of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and pizza.

I think that helps better understand why sometimes I am so weight obsessed. I don’t mean to be….I am just scared.

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I am wearing an old pair of jeans today. They fit fine…when I am standing up. When I am sitting down the waist of my old jeans, remember the days before low rise, hits me right below my belly button. This is wear my little alien has recently set up shop. Well, right below. But either way, as I sit here typing I have debated unbuttoning the top button. I would, but I am afraid that I will forget it is unbuttoned and then someone will come to talk to me and see that I have my pants unbuttoned. I think this is part of the reason maternity shirts are so long. It is so women can unbutton their pants. Regrettably, the sweater I am wearing today is not long to provide enough security that an unbuttoned button would go unnoticed. I think I will just have to spend more time standing today.