This afternoon I had lunch with one of my girlfriends.
She asked me how I was feeling and I said fine. Cause I am feeling fine. Just super tired today. Why am I so tired on a Friday? I don’t care about being tired on a Monday, but a Friday? Not a good way to start the weekend.
We chatted about our plans for the weekend and I told her about my quest to find pants that fit. Pants that reduce the amount of time it takes me to get dressed in the morning. I told her I was dreading going to a maternity shop. To which she replied, “oh no, you don’t need to wear maternity clothes yet, you are not even showing”.
For some reason this made me a little mad.
Not because she said I wasn’t showing because with the nice big sweater I am wearing today, even if I was, you could not tell. But because I felt like she was just not understanding my pain. She did not understand just how uncomfortable the one pair of jeans that actually fit me are. How by the end of the day I drive home with one or more button undone. How as soon as I get home I take them off and put on my comfy fleece pants. And how, pulling my freshly dried jeans out of the dryer this morning, I had to cross my fingers that I could get the top button fastened.
Are maternity pants going to be the answer to my agony?
I don’t know but like they say, don’t knock it til you try it.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Bodily functions
My boobs itch.
My boobs itch and my eye is twitching.
Yesterday I caught myself grabbing my boob at work trying to get it to stop itching.
Not the kind of thing you want to do at work.
My left eye has been twitching since Friday. On and off. I have tried to catch it in the mirror to see if I can tell it is twitching but have not been successful. It knows I am trying to catch it and all of a sudden stops twitching.
I hope it stops. It is starting to freak me out.
I am going through enough changes and can deal with (explain to myself) why my boobs are itching. But a twitching eye??? There is nothing I can tell myself that makes it ok that this is happening.
******************************************************************************************
It took me forever to get dressed for work today.
And like Tuesday and Wednesday (Monday was a holiday), the minute I got to work, I hated my outfit.
I spent a ½ hour this morning trying (trying is the key word) on pants. After going through my closet I found that I have only 3 pairs of pants that fit. Of the 3 pairs that fit, I only like one of them. And just so you know, I am an obsessive jean purchaser. I am not one of those girls who has only 1-2 pairs of jeans. No way Jose, I have at least 12 in rotation at all times. I have my going out jeans, going to work jeans (not too low), feeling fat jeans, hanging out jeans, dark jeans, light jeans, fashionably tattered jeans. The list goes on and on.
Of all of these jeans I now have one pair that fits. I also have one pair of black pants and a pair of khaki’s (I am not really a khaki person but think these will be good for weekend wear).
I am sad and will soon be wearing sweats to work. These continue to fit!
So, on my to-do list for this weekend:
1. Find pants that fit. Yes, that means I have to go to a Maternity store. I am dreading it. I don’t look pregnant. I look like I have gained weight it my stomach, ass (for some reason this has been affected) and tits. All of which makes me feel fat. This also makes me sad because it means I have to say goodbye to all of my ‘normal’ clothes. My favorite Diesel jeans – I will miss you.
2. Buy a bra that fits – and hopefully cuts down on the boob itch.
3. Stop eye from twitching.
That should keep me very busy.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
How come no one tells you any of the gross stuff?
I spent my President’s Day Holiday being lazy and watching TV.
So much for getting started on that baby room. Good think I still have 6 months! Hopefully I do not continue to procrastinate since the future baby room is the current Ebay, garage sale, get rid of room. There is absolutely no room for a baby. And the way the Grandma’s are shopping, hubby and I need to get on it!
I got caught up in watching Discovery Health Channels Birth Day Live. Someone should have warned me not to. Someone should have told me before I got knocked up to watch video on how that baby is going to get out of you once it has grown a nice big head! I was thoroughly grossed out. They showed what seemed like a million C-sections. Uggghhhh! Gross Gross Gross! Not that the vaginal births were any better but Discovery didn’t show anything gory on those. Only a couple of pushes and then a very messy baby. My husband changed the channel after he could see my totally freaking out.
How come no one tells you any of the gross stuff?
In the short time I watched I saw a baby delivered by c-section come out peeing on the Doctor. I am sure that is a video she is going to want to show all her friends when she is older! I saw 2 babies come out pooping. I saw doctors yank many babies by their heads (look like it hurts). I saw babies covered in white, green, yellow, brown and red slim. Not a pretty first picture.
And, the one that disturbed me the most….seeing all these women, feet up - in stir-ups, uncovered from the bottom down, and a ton of people (nurses, doctors, videographers, etc.) standing around looking at her cooch. Now this one totally freaked me out. I am not a very modest person….around my husband, girlfriends, sister or Mom. But those were not the people in the room. And even if they were, I really don’t think I am going to be looking my best with an alien head coming out of MY cooch! And another thing, what is up is the noise that some women make. Where does that come from and how embarrassing is that? Sex noise is one thing, but this baby delivering noise…..I have never heard anything like it. Some women sound like a jungle animal in heat. Just what I want my husband to remember (and then make fun of me later with) is the jungle growl I made while delivering our little alien. I read Jenny McCarthy’s Belly Laughs. I tried to prepare myself, but she left all of this out! But thank you girl for speaking the truth about the possibility of ME poo-ing on the delivery table. It just keeps getting better!
So, in order to get this baby out of me in 6 months, my husband and I have set some ground rules.
1. He is not allowed to hide under the bed in fetal position.
2. He is to make sure I am as covered as I can be. That means keeping a close eye on all blankets, gowns and robes to make sure the only part of my privates that are showing is what has to and only when it has to. Complete cover in between!
3. If duct tape is needed to muffle any strange sounds, then duct tape will be used!
Items for future discussion:
1. Video Camera – allowed or not allowed?
2. Digital Camera – this one is allowed but we need to talk about what pictures it is ok to take. Do we really want our first picture of our little loved one to be he/she covered in goo……or, someone forbid…..poo!!!
3. Guest List – who will be in the room with us. I will think long and hard on this one!
Thank goodness I still have 6 more months to prepare to hopefully hold it together (clothes and moans in tack) when the time finally comes!
So much for getting started on that baby room. Good think I still have 6 months! Hopefully I do not continue to procrastinate since the future baby room is the current Ebay, garage sale, get rid of room. There is absolutely no room for a baby. And the way the Grandma’s are shopping, hubby and I need to get on it!
I got caught up in watching Discovery Health Channels Birth Day Live. Someone should have warned me not to. Someone should have told me before I got knocked up to watch video on how that baby is going to get out of you once it has grown a nice big head! I was thoroughly grossed out. They showed what seemed like a million C-sections. Uggghhhh! Gross Gross Gross! Not that the vaginal births were any better but Discovery didn’t show anything gory on those. Only a couple of pushes and then a very messy baby. My husband changed the channel after he could see my totally freaking out.
How come no one tells you any of the gross stuff?
In the short time I watched I saw a baby delivered by c-section come out peeing on the Doctor. I am sure that is a video she is going to want to show all her friends when she is older! I saw 2 babies come out pooping. I saw doctors yank many babies by their heads (look like it hurts). I saw babies covered in white, green, yellow, brown and red slim. Not a pretty first picture.
And, the one that disturbed me the most….seeing all these women, feet up - in stir-ups, uncovered from the bottom down, and a ton of people (nurses, doctors, videographers, etc.) standing around looking at her cooch. Now this one totally freaked me out. I am not a very modest person….around my husband, girlfriends, sister or Mom. But those were not the people in the room. And even if they were, I really don’t think I am going to be looking my best with an alien head coming out of MY cooch! And another thing, what is up is the noise that some women make. Where does that come from and how embarrassing is that? Sex noise is one thing, but this baby delivering noise…..I have never heard anything like it. Some women sound like a jungle animal in heat. Just what I want my husband to remember (and then make fun of me later with) is the jungle growl I made while delivering our little alien. I read Jenny McCarthy’s Belly Laughs. I tried to prepare myself, but she left all of this out! But thank you girl for speaking the truth about the possibility of ME poo-ing on the delivery table. It just keeps getting better!
So, in order to get this baby out of me in 6 months, my husband and I have set some ground rules.
1. He is not allowed to hide under the bed in fetal position.
2. He is to make sure I am as covered as I can be. That means keeping a close eye on all blankets, gowns and robes to make sure the only part of my privates that are showing is what has to and only when it has to. Complete cover in between!
3. If duct tape is needed to muffle any strange sounds, then duct tape will be used!
Items for future discussion:
1. Video Camera – allowed or not allowed?
2. Digital Camera – this one is allowed but we need to talk about what pictures it is ok to take. Do we really want our first picture of our little loved one to be he/she covered in goo……or, someone forbid…..poo!!!
3. Guest List – who will be in the room with us. I will think long and hard on this one!
Thank goodness I still have 6 more months to prepare to hopefully hold it together (clothes and moans in tack) when the time finally comes!
Friday, February 18, 2005
I am not fat....just pregnant
I finally told my boss today that I am pregnant.
It was much easier and less uncomfortable then I thought it would be.
It was made so much easier by the fact that when I sat down for my 1-1 she opened with:
"Have you gained weight?"
I was able to reply with out blinking an eye...."Yes, I have gained some weight, I am pregnant."
That quieted her for a second.
Some background history, this is not the first time my boss has said this to me. For some reason she thinks it is ok to ask inappropriate questions, or make what I feel are inappropriate comments, that I would only allow my closest girlfriends to say and would get mad at my Mom if she said them.
For example:
I see you are having a bad hair day.
How old are you?
What size do you wear?
Have you gained weight?
You look like you have gained weight.
I could go on and on but for some reason I cannot remember more right now. I think I have blocked them from my memory especially since her bad hair comment was said to me when I was feeling overly emotional, full of ragging hormones, and almost sent me crying home. It didn't, but I did rant for a while with my girlfriends on IM and received all the appropriate..."I cannot believe she said that", and "bitch" comments. Made me feel much better.
Back to my original thought…
My boss was actually very cool with the news. Said that this is part of having women work for you and then went on and on about if I knew what sex I was having and that she hopes I have a girl, etc, etc. She was actually kinda excited. I was a little surprised. And, in conversation, she let me know that 2 other girls that had worked for her had taken 6 months maternity leave. This made me feel much better since that was the amount of time I was targeting but didn’t want to seem too aggressive in asking for it. Now, you know I will! I was talking with my husband this morning and decided that it is probably easier to come back early rather then to ask for more leave once out.
So, the cat’s outta the bag. Since my stomach is poking its way out too I guess my timing was right on. According to my boss, I am getting huger by the minute (ok day…ok, still over exaggerating…..week).
It was much easier and less uncomfortable then I thought it would be.
It was made so much easier by the fact that when I sat down for my 1-1 she opened with:
"Have you gained weight?"
I was able to reply with out blinking an eye...."Yes, I have gained some weight, I am pregnant."
That quieted her for a second.
Some background history, this is not the first time my boss has said this to me. For some reason she thinks it is ok to ask inappropriate questions, or make what I feel are inappropriate comments, that I would only allow my closest girlfriends to say and would get mad at my Mom if she said them.
For example:
I see you are having a bad hair day.
How old are you?
What size do you wear?
Have you gained weight?
You look like you have gained weight.
I could go on and on but for some reason I cannot remember more right now. I think I have blocked them from my memory especially since her bad hair comment was said to me when I was feeling overly emotional, full of ragging hormones, and almost sent me crying home. It didn't, but I did rant for a while with my girlfriends on IM and received all the appropriate..."I cannot believe she said that", and "bitch" comments. Made me feel much better.
Back to my original thought…
My boss was actually very cool with the news. Said that this is part of having women work for you and then went on and on about if I knew what sex I was having and that she hopes I have a girl, etc, etc. She was actually kinda excited. I was a little surprised. And, in conversation, she let me know that 2 other girls that had worked for her had taken 6 months maternity leave. This made me feel much better since that was the amount of time I was targeting but didn’t want to seem too aggressive in asking for it. Now, you know I will! I was talking with my husband this morning and decided that it is probably easier to come back early rather then to ask for more leave once out.
So, the cat’s outta the bag. Since my stomach is poking its way out too I guess my timing was right on. According to my boss, I am getting huger by the minute (ok day…ok, still over exaggerating…..week).
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Caffeine Free Diet Coke
The hardest thing about being pregnant (this far) has been all of my favorite things that I have had to give up. When I first found out I struggled with not being able to have a drink. Not that I am an alcoholic or anything, but there are days when a glass of wine is exactly what you need to shake off the day.
I soon discovered that nothing exists that is a comparable substitute to the Friday nite party. (Friday night, Saturday night, Wednesday night....you get the idea). And I don't care about what people say about the high or buzz of pregnancy....it is not the same. And try going to a bar. I know some chicks will drink tonic, sparkling water or non-alcoholic beer. But I need to ask....why? It might look like you are drinking but it does not feel like you are. Why waste the calories on a fake drink? I would rather have water and chocolate cake later! Which leads me to how pregnant women gain so much weight. They are looking for that 'vice' substitute and there is nothing out there. Nothing but FOOD.
And trust me......that does not come anywhere close to that feeling you get from a glass of wine.
I soon discovered that nothing exists that is a comparable substitute to the Friday nite party. (Friday night, Saturday night, Wednesday night....you get the idea). And I don't care about what people say about the high or buzz of pregnancy....it is not the same. And try going to a bar. I know some chicks will drink tonic, sparkling water or non-alcoholic beer. But I need to ask....why? It might look like you are drinking but it does not feel like you are. Why waste the calories on a fake drink? I would rather have water and chocolate cake later! Which leads me to how pregnant women gain so much weight. They are looking for that 'vice' substitute and there is nothing out there. Nothing but FOOD.
And trust me......that does not come anywhere close to that feeling you get from a glass of wine.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
I feel fat today.
Fat. Fat! Fat!!!
I guess I had better get use to this...I am sure this is nothing compared to what's to come.
I woke up this morning tired. I thought I had slept ok but I was still tired. It was pouring rain which made it very hard to motivate to get to work in time to attend my 9am meeting. Also knowing how lame everyone drives when it is raining made it even more difficult. I finally motivated to the bathroom and onto the scale. I wonder how much longer I can / will continue to do this?!?
The scale read 120.5. 120.5! 120.5!!!
I hope a pound or two of that is the 2 cheeseburger meal deal I had as my Valentine's Day dinner. Very romantic - I know! I am not complaining. It is not like I wanted to go out or eat anything else. It was perfect!
But, 120.5 is not.
After I showered I searched for my fat Lucky jeans. I ended up not wearing them because I figured I should hold out on these a little longer. (I will probably be wearing them next week.) My bra was an entirely different story. I moved up to the big girl one in the back on my drawer. At least my boobs are comfortable. Can't say the same for any other part of my body.
This is my story.
I am 13 weeks / 6 days pregnant with my first child.
I am not showing yet and still wearing most of my normal clothes. My jeans are slightly modified with the help of a rubber band. I just look like I have gained 5 pounds. Oh, I have!!!!
Let the journey begin.
Fat. Fat! Fat!!!
I guess I had better get use to this...I am sure this is nothing compared to what's to come.
I woke up this morning tired. I thought I had slept ok but I was still tired. It was pouring rain which made it very hard to motivate to get to work in time to attend my 9am meeting. Also knowing how lame everyone drives when it is raining made it even more difficult. I finally motivated to the bathroom and onto the scale. I wonder how much longer I can / will continue to do this?!?
The scale read 120.5. 120.5! 120.5!!!
I hope a pound or two of that is the 2 cheeseburger meal deal I had as my Valentine's Day dinner. Very romantic - I know! I am not complaining. It is not like I wanted to go out or eat anything else. It was perfect!
But, 120.5 is not.
After I showered I searched for my fat Lucky jeans. I ended up not wearing them because I figured I should hold out on these a little longer. (I will probably be wearing them next week.) My bra was an entirely different story. I moved up to the big girl one in the back on my drawer. At least my boobs are comfortable. Can't say the same for any other part of my body.
This is my story.
I am 13 weeks / 6 days pregnant with my first child.
I am not showing yet and still wearing most of my normal clothes. My jeans are slightly modified with the help of a rubber band. I just look like I have gained 5 pounds. Oh, I have!!!!
Let the journey begin.
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